The Psychology of Us

Psychological reflections on what it means to be human

The way we understand ourselves changes when we slow down enough to listen.

The Psychology of Us is a podcast exploring the emotional undercurrents that shape how we think, relate, and live. Hosted by psychology professor RJ Starr, each episode offers a grounded, research-informed reflection on the complexities of modern life — from identity and grief to boundaries, belonging, and emotional maturity.

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Beyond the Mirror: The Psychology of Self-Perception, Aging and Identity

Why does the reflection in the mirror often feel like a stranger? In this episode, Professor RJ Starr explores the psychology of self-perception, aging, and identity—revealing how memory, emotion, and social feedback shape the way we see ourselves, and why it rarely aligns with who we truly are inside.

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When Dreams Get Loud: What Your Mind Is Trying to Tell You

If your dreams feel like they’re shouting at you—loud, vivid, and emotionally overwhelming—this episode unpacks why. From emotional overload to sensory sensitivity, your brain may be trying to speak louder than your waking life allows. Let’s explore what your mind is really trying to say—and how to turn the volume down.

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The Psychology of Confident Ignorance

Most people don't realize their certainty is built on air. In this episode, RJ Starr unpacks the psychology of confident ignorance—how our minds mistake familiarity for understanding, and how distraction and shortcut thinking quietly dismantle our ability to handle complexity, conflict, and real life.

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The Psychology of Attire: How Clothing Shapes Identity and Perception

Clothing doesn’t just reflect who we are—it shapes how we think, feel, and interact. In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr explores the mental effects of what we wear, how enclothed cognition works, and why dressing with intention can enhance confidence, identity, and psychological clarity.

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The Psychology of Approval: Why Being Liked Feels Like Survival

What does it cost to be liked? In this episode, Professor RJ Starr explores the psychology of approval-seeking—why our brains treat rejection like danger, and how chasing acceptance can quietly erode our sense of self. This is a call to stop performing, start telling the truth, and live from your own center.

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Why Smart People Make Dumb Emotional Decisions

High IQ doesn’t equal high emotional maturity. In this episode, I explore why some of the brightest minds make the messiest emotional choices—and how overthinking can become avoidance. If you’ve ever felt smart but emotionally stuck, this one’s for you.

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The Memory Home: When the Place That Held You Is Gone

When we lose the spaces that once held us, it can feel like losing a part of ourselves. In this episode, we explore the concept of the memory home—why some places matter far beyond their walls, and how to process the grief and disorientation that comes when they’re gone.

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The Lie of Finding Yourself: Why Self-Authorship Is the Real Work

What if the real you isn’t hidden—but unfinished? This episode challenges the popular myth of “finding yourself” and introduces the psychology of self-authorship. Learn why identity is something you construct, not uncover—and how to start living as the author of your own life.

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Why We Hate to Wait: The Psychology of Patience and Impatience

Waiting isn’t neutral—it activates stress, triggers old patterns, and wears down relationships. This episode explores the psychology of impatience, the cultural roots of urgency, and how to retrain our minds to handle delays with more calm, clarity, and control.

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Anywhere But Here: Longing, Escape and the Myth of Arrival

Longing for a different life doesn’t always mean you’re ready to move—it might mean you’re ready to listen. This episode explores psychological escape, fantasy, burnout, and the myth of arrival. What if the version of you you’ve been seeking elsewhere could be built here, slowly, from the inside out?

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Extinction Bursts: Why We Resist Change Before We Adapt

Change feels impossible right before it takes hold. This episode unpacks the extinction burst—when habits and people push back hardest right before letting go. From quitting smoking to walking away from toxic dynamics, learn how to recognize the last gasp of a fading pattern and keep moving forward.

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Why People Bully: The Psychology Behind Power and Control

Bullying is less about strength and more about fear, shame, and insecurity. This episode explores the psychology behind domination and control, what fuels aggressive behavior, and how to recognize the internal pain behind the external power play. Whether you've been bullied or found yourself lashing out, this one pulls back the curtain.

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The Psychology of Dishonesty: Why People Lie and How to Spot It

Why do we lie—even when we value honesty? This episode explores the psychology behind dishonesty, from self-preservation to social harmony. Learn how lies affect our relationships, our brains, and our moral compass—and how to spot them without becoming cynical.

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The Fear of Missing Out: Understanding FOMO in Modern Life

FOMO has ancient roots—but today it’s amplified by algorithms. In this episode, we explore how the fear of missing out affects our mental health, distorts self-worth, and fuels toxic comparison. Learn how to shift from scarcity to presence, so you can reclaim joy, focus, and peace in a culture that thrives on distraction.

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The Worry Trap: Why We Overthink and How to Break Free

Overthinking steals energy, sleep, and self-trust. This episode explores the psychology of worry, from perfectionism and anxiety to the illusion of control. Learn why we spiral, what overthinking is really protecting us from, and how to create space between your thoughts and your peace of mind.

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