Essays

Essays on self-awareness, emotional intelligence, identity, and the psychology of living with clarity, purpose, and connection.

Some truths don’t fit in a post — they need room to unfold.

These essays offer more than takes — they offer perspective. Drawing from psychology, lived experience, and cultural insight, each piece explores what it means to be self-aware, emotionally intelligent, and human in a complicated world. Written to make you think, feel, and come back to yourself — not just scroll past.

RJ Starr RJ Starr

Why Your Brain is Addicted to ‘Maybe’ (And How to Break Free)

Why do we get stuck refreshing, replaying, and rereading when nothing changes? This essay unpacks the neuroscience of uncertainty, the dopamine trap of anticipation, and the Zeigarnik effect that keeps unfinished situations lingering in our minds—offering grounded, psychology-based tools to break free from the mental loops of “maybe.”

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RJ Starr RJ Starr

The Theater of Threat: How Emotional Immaturity, Spectacle Psychology, and Desensitization Are Undermining Global Sanity

Political leaders now reference World War III like it’s a soundbite. But beneath the drama lies something more dangerous: a culture addicted to threat, a public numbed by repetition, and leaders emotionally unequipped to lead. This essay explores the psychology behind the rhetoric—and how we can stay awake in a world that rewards escalation.

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RJ Starr RJ Starr

The People We Loved Along the Way

As we move through life, we form deep bonds that feel permanent—childhood best friends, chosen families in our twenties, shared lives in love. But time has its own rhythm. People drift, chapters close, and yet the love remains. This essay reflects on the quiet grace of letting go while honoring those who once meant everything. Not lost—just carried differently, sweet for having been.

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RJ Starr RJ Starr

The Archetypal Foundations of Ontological Experience

What if your disconnection isn’t depression, but a loss of archetypal grounding? This essay explores how ancient psychic structures shape our sense of self, purpose, and meaning. Drawing from Jungian psychology, it offers a path back to depth, presence, and inner coherence in a world that often rewards performance over being.

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RJ Starr RJ Starr

More Than Just Clutter

Hoarding isn’t about mess—it’s about memory, safety, and emotional overwhelm. This article unpacks the difference between clutter and hoarding disorder, challenging cultural mockery and offering a more compassionate, psychologically informed lens. Behind every pile is a story worth understanding.

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RJ Starr RJ Starr

Still Wanting More: On Aging, Place, and Visibility

Even when life appears full, there can be a quiet ache—a longing to feel visible, vital, and connected. This essay explores the emotional dissonance of midlife: the beauty you’ve built, the distance you feel, and the dignity of still wanting more. It’s not regret. It’s the quiet pulse of being fully alive.

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RJ Starr RJ Starr

Solitude and Loneliness: A Psychological Exploration

Solitude is not loneliness—it’s a skill rooted in emotional clarity and self-trust. This essay explores the psychological difference between being alone and being lonely, why we often confuse the two, and how reclaiming solitude can become one of the most powerful acts of emotional maturity.

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Bread and Circuses 2.0: Performance, Distraction, and the Illusion of Engagement in the Social Media Age

We live in an age of constant performance and manufactured urgency. From viral dances to breaking news, today’s attention economy blurs reality and reaction, connection and spectacle. This essay explores how distraction has become a societal default—and what it means to reclaim silence, depth, and presence in a world that never stops performing.

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RJ Starr RJ Starr

Being the Adult in the Room: Emotional Immaturity in an Unhinged World

From airline meltdowns to viral tantrums and political spectacle, emotional immaturity has become the norm—not the outlier. This essay explores the quiet power of being the adult in the room: the one who stays calm, grounded, and emotionally intelligent in a world that rewards chaos. When everyone else is unraveling, maturity isn’t just a personal strength—it’s a public service.

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RJ Starr RJ Starr

What Kind of Neighbor Are You When No One’s Watching?

In shared spaces, kindness isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about tone, presence, and how we choose to treat each other when no one’s watching. This article explores the quiet psychology of neighborliness, the emotional cost of detachment, and why small acts of consideration—like a warm smile or a gentle reply—can change the emotional temperature of an entire community. What kind of neighbor are you becoming?

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Anywhere But Here

The "anywhere but here" mindset reveals how chasing future happiness can erode presence. This article explores how comparison traps, the myth of arrival, and negativity bias fuel chronic dissatisfaction—and why true contentment begins not with changing circumstances, but with retraining attention toward the present.

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The Psychology of Denial in a Crumbling America

Collective denial is a psychological defense that helps societies avoid uncomfortable truths. This article explores how confirmation bias, nostalgia, and social echo chambers fuel avoidance, and how breaking the cycle depends on fostering curiosity and creating spaces safe enough to face reality without fear.


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Why I Wrote “Gone Without Goodbye”

Gone Without Goodbye emerged from personal grief and the universal struggle to process sudden loss. This essay explores how creative expression transforms private pain into shared meaning and how storytelling helps preserve connections, confront absence, and find coherence in life’s disruptions.

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The Psychology of Belief | Why We Believe Things Without Evidence

Why do we believe what we do—even when the evidence says otherwise? In this episode, Professor RJ Starr unpacks the psychology of belief: how it forms, why it persists, and what it reveals about identity, emotion, and human nature. From cognitive bias to charismatic influence, belief is more than thought—it’s survival.

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The Psychology of Mockery

Mockery binds groups through shared laughter while excluding others through humiliation. This article explores how ridicule reinforces social hierarchies, masks insecurity, and inflicts real psychological pain, and why healthier forms of humor rooted in inclusivity offer a more constructive alternative.

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RJ Starr RJ Starr

Doomscrolling

Doomscrolling hijacks the brain’s threat-detection systems, trapping users in cycles of anxiety and compulsive news consumption. This article explains how negative news feeds reinforce stress patterns and offers science-backed strategies like media fasts and solution-focused habits to help break free.

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RJ Starr RJ Starr

Nations Watching, Leaders Mocking

Political mockery by world leaders triggers deep psychological responses that escalate tensions and harden diplomatic stances. This article examines how ridicule activates tribal defensiveness, bypasses rational negotiation, and creates lasting fractures in international relations in the social media era.

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  • Emotional intelligence isn’t just a workplace skill or buzzword. It's the foundation of how we stay human in an overstimulated world. It’s how we create safety, connection, and clarity in the relationships that matter most.

  • Overthinking is rarely about insight. It’s about emotional avoidance disguised as analysis. True understanding begins not in your thoughts, but in your willingness to stay with what’s uncomfortable without trying to fix or escape it immediately.

  • Self-awareness is not a luxury or a personality trait, it’s a psychological infrastructure. Without it, we repeat patterns, misread situations, and lose the ability to act with intention instead of reaction.

  • Boundaries are not about pushing people away. They’re how we take emotional responsibility for what we can handle, what we value, and how we want to be treated in relationships that actually matter to us.

  • Emotional maturity isn’t measured by how little we feel. It’s shown in how we carry big emotions without letting them hijack our behavior. It’s the quiet strength of presence, not performance.

  • You don’t have to erase your past to heal, you just have to stop letting it silently write the present. Healing is a return to authorship over your life, not a denial of what shaped you.

  • Clarity often feels like calm. Not because everything is perfect, but because you’re no longer performing, pretending, or explaining yourself to people who never learned how to listen with care.

  • Self-trust is not about always knowing the answer. It’s about knowing you can stay present, even when you don’t. It’s a psychological anchor in a world that rewards dissociation and speed.

  • When we can name what we’re feeling without shame, we begin to reclaim agency over our inner life. Language is a psychological bridge between experience and understanding; it lets us carry what we used to avoid.

  • You are not “too much.” You are simply carrying the emotional weight of people who never learned to sit with discomfort, so they handed it to you instead.