The Psychology of Us

Psychological reflections on what it means to be human

The way we understand ourselves changes when we slow down enough to listen.

The Psychology of Us is a podcast exploring the emotional undercurrents that shape how we think, relate, and live. Hosted by psychology professor RJ Starr, each episode offers a grounded, research-informed reflection on the complexities of modern life — from identity and grief to boundaries, belonging, and emotional maturity.

RJ Starr RJ Starr

Why Smart People Make Dumb Emotional Decisions

High IQ doesn’t equal high emotional maturity. In this episode, I explore why some of the brightest minds make the messiest emotional choices—and how overthinking can become avoidance. If you’ve ever felt smart but emotionally stuck, this one’s for you.

Read More
RJ Starr RJ Starr

The Memory Home: When the Place That Held You Is Gone

When we lose the spaces that once held us, it can feel like losing a part of ourselves. In this episode, we explore the concept of the memory home—why some places matter far beyond their walls, and how to process the grief and disorientation that comes when they’re gone.

Read More
RJ Starr RJ Starr

The Lie of Finding Yourself: Why Self-Authorship Is the Real Work

What if the real you isn’t hidden—but unfinished? This episode challenges the popular myth of “finding yourself” and introduces the psychology of self-authorship. Learn why identity is something you construct, not uncover—and how to start living as the author of your own life.

Read More
RJ Starr RJ Starr

Why We Hate to Wait: The Psychology of Patience and Impatience

Waiting isn’t neutral—it activates stress, triggers old patterns, and wears down relationships. This episode explores the psychology of impatience, the cultural roots of urgency, and how to retrain our minds to handle delays with more calm, clarity, and control.

Read More
RJ Starr RJ Starr

Anywhere But Here: Longing, Escape and the Myth of Arrival

Longing for a different life doesn’t always mean you’re ready to move—it might mean you’re ready to listen. This episode explores psychological escape, fantasy, burnout, and the myth of arrival. What if the version of you you’ve been seeking elsewhere could be built here, slowly, from the inside out?

Read More
RJ Starr RJ Starr

Extinction Bursts: Why We Resist Change Before We Adapt

Change feels impossible right before it takes hold. This episode unpacks the extinction burst—when habits and people push back hardest right before letting go. From quitting smoking to walking away from toxic dynamics, learn how to recognize the last gasp of a fading pattern and keep moving forward.

Read More
RJ Starr RJ Starr

Why People Bully: The Psychology Behind Power and Control

Bullying is less about strength and more about fear, shame, and insecurity. This episode explores the psychology behind domination and control, what fuels aggressive behavior, and how to recognize the internal pain behind the external power play. Whether you've been bullied or found yourself lashing out, this one pulls back the curtain.

Read More
RJ Starr RJ Starr

The Psychology of Dishonesty: Why People Lie and How to Spot It

Why do we lie—even when we value honesty? This episode explores the psychology behind dishonesty, from self-preservation to social harmony. Learn how lies affect our relationships, our brains, and our moral compass—and how to spot them without becoming cynical.

Read More
RJ Starr RJ Starr

The Fear of Missing Out: Understanding FOMO in Modern Life

FOMO has ancient roots—but today it’s amplified by algorithms. In this episode, we explore how the fear of missing out affects our mental health, distorts self-worth, and fuels toxic comparison. Learn how to shift from scarcity to presence, so you can reclaim joy, focus, and peace in a culture that thrives on distraction.

Read More
RJ Starr RJ Starr

The Worry Trap: Why We Overthink and How to Break Free

Overthinking steals energy, sleep, and self-trust. This episode explores the psychology of worry, from perfectionism and anxiety to the illusion of control. Learn why we spiral, what overthinking is really protecting us from, and how to create space between your thoughts and your peace of mind.

Read More
RJ Starr RJ Starr

Eremitism: The Psychology of Solitude and the Desire to Be Alone

Solitude can heal or harm, depending on how it’s held. This episode explores eremitism—the psychological and historical practice of stepping away from society. From monks to modern hermits to digital detoxers, we explore how solitude affects the brain, why we seek it out, and what it teaches us about self-understanding in an overstimulated world.

Read More
RJ Starr RJ Starr

The Roots of Anger: Why We Lose Our Cool

Anger is rarely just about the moment—it’s about history, fear, shame, and unmet needs. This episode explores the emotional roots of anger, how it functions, and why we often misread it. Learn how to recognize what your anger is actually protecting, and how to respond instead of just react.

Read More
RJ Starr RJ Starr

Why People Annoy Us: The Psychology of Irritation

Why do certain people drive us up the wall? This episode unpacks the psychology of irritation—its roots in unmet needs, overstimulation, and personality clashes. Learn how to decode what your triggers are telling you, how to set healthy boundaries, and why annoyance isn’t weakness—it’s a signal worth paying attention to.

Read More
RJ Starr RJ Starr

The Psychology of Values: The Hidden Compass Guiding Your Life

What really drives your decisions? It’s not your goals—it’s your values. This episode explores the psychology behind what you stand for, how values shape your life, and why internal alignment matters more than external approval. Learn how to define your values and use them as a compass for clarity, purpose, and grounded living.

Read More
RJ Starr RJ Starr

Ghosting: Why People Disappear and the Psychology of Avoidance

Ghosting isn’t just rude—it’s a psychological defense. This episode explores why people vanish without explanation, how it connects to avoidance, attachment, and anxiety, and why it hurts so deeply. Learn what ghosting reveals about modern relationships, and how to move forward with clarity—whether you’ve been ghosted or you’re tempted to disappear.

Read More