The Fear of Missing Out: Understanding FOMO in Modern Life
“FOMO isn’t just about missing a party—it’s about fearing you’re missing your life. In this episode, I explore the emotional and evolutionary roots of the fear of missing out, why it feels so urgent in the age of social media, and how we can shift from comparison to clarity in our own choices.”
The Fear of Missing Out: Understanding FOMO in Modern Life
Hello, and welcome to The Psychology of Us! I’m RJ Starr, and I’m glad you’ve joined me today. This podcast is all about exploring the fascinating ways psychology shapes our everyday lives, offering insights into why we think, feel, and act the way we do. Together, we’ll unravel some of the most intriguing questions about human behavior and, hopefully, leave you with a fresh perspective you can carry into your own life.
Today’s episode is one I think you’ll find particularly relatable. We’re talking about FOMO—the fear of missing out. It’s that gnawing feeling that something exciting is happening elsewhere, that you’re being left out of an experience you should be a part of. And while FOMO might feel especially modern, amplified by the endless scroll of social media, it’s actually a deeply human experience that’s been with us for as long as we’ve sought connection and belonging.
Think about it: have you ever scrolled through Instagram and suddenly felt like your life was a little less interesting compared to what you were seeing? Maybe it was a friend’s vacation photos, a colleague’s promotion, or even just a casual dinner party you didn’t know about. You might have felt a twinge of envy or even a sense of failure, as if your own life just didn’t measure up. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And you’re definitely in the right place, because today we’re going to break down why FOMO happens, how it affects us, and—most importantly—how we can navigate it in a healthier, more intentional way.
In this episode, we’ll explore the roots of FOMO, from its evolutionary origins to its modern manifestations in the digital age. We’ll touch on some psychological theories that help explain why we feel this way, and I’ll share some personal anecdotes that might make you smile—or at least feel a little less alone. We’ll also discuss practical tools for overcoming FOMO and reclaiming a sense of joy and presence in our lives.
So, get comfortable, maybe pour yourself a cup of coffee or tea, and let’s explore the psychology of FOMO together. By the end of this episode, I hope you’ll see FOMO not as a flaw, but as an opportunity to understand yourself better and make more meaningful choices.
Let’s get started.
Part 1: The Roots of FOMO
So, where does FOMO actually come from? Why do we feel that deep, often irrational pull toward what others are doing? To understand FOMO, we have to go back—way back—to the days when our survival depended on being part of the group.
Picture this: you’re a member of an early human community. Your survival depends on being included—whether that’s for hunting, gathering, or simply protecting each other from predators. If you’re left out, you’re at risk. This isn’t just hypothetical. It’s hardwired into us. The fear of being excluded wasn’t just a social inconvenience; it was a life-or-death matter. Over time, humans evolved to be hyperaware of their place in the group, constantly monitoring for signs of inclusion or exclusion.
Fast forward to today, and while we no longer depend on a group for physical survival in quite the same way, that deep-rooted fear remains. It’s one of the reasons social connections are so important to us. Psychologists call this a fundamental need for belonging—something that sits right near the base of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
Abraham Maslow, if you’re unfamiliar, was a psychologist who proposed that our needs are organized in a kind of pyramid. At the foundation, we have our physical needs—food, water, shelter. But just above that is the need for connection and belonging. Without it, we feel unsettled, incomplete, and yes, left out.
Social comparison theory also gives us some insight here. Introduced by Leon Festinger in 1954, this theory suggests that we evaluate ourselves based on comparisons to others. It’s how we gauge whether we’re doing well, whether we’re succeeding, whether we fit in. It’s not inherently bad—it can motivate us to grow—but when it becomes constant and unbalanced, it can create feelings of inadequacy and, you guessed it, FOMO.
I’ll admit, I’ve felt it myself. Let me tell you a quick story. Early in my career, I was invited to a conference I’d been looking forward to for months. A scheduling conflict meant I couldn’t attend. At first, I told myself it wasn’t a big deal, but as the conference started and the updates began flooding in—photos, quotes from keynote speakers, even casual posts about who was networking with whom—I felt a pang of regret and frustration. It wasn’t just missing the event itself; it was the feeling that I was missing out on connections, opportunities, and experiences that could’ve changed the course of my career.
That’s the thing about FOMO. It’s not just about the event or the moment. It’s about the story we tell ourselves about what we’re missing and how it compares to what we have.
Now, this brings us to a modern twist on an ancient feeling. Social media amplifies everything. In the past, you might’ve heard about a party or an event days or weeks after it happened. Now, it’s in real-time, with beautifully curated photos and videos that make every experience look perfect. It’s no wonder that our brains, already primed to notice exclusion, are working overtime trying to process it all.
In the next part of the episode, we’ll dive deeper into how FOMO has evolved in the digital age, how it taps into our emotions, and how it can affect our mental health. But for now, I want you to take a moment to reflect: When was the last time you felt FOMO? What was it about? And how did it make you feel?
All right, let’s keep going.
Part 2: FOMO in Modern Life
Let’s talk about how FOMO has transformed in the modern world. Because while the roots of FOMO are ancient, the ways it shows up today are uniquely tied to the technology and culture of our time. Social media, in particular, plays a massive role in amplifying this fear of missing out. It’s like throwing gasoline on a fire that’s already burning within us.
Think about it. Platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook are designed to showcase the best moments of people’s lives. You’re not seeing someone’s laundry pile or their tough day at work; you’re seeing the vacation sunsets, the perfectly plated brunches, the career milestones, the engagements, the parties. It’s a highlight reel of everyone else’s life—and it’s relentless.
Psychologically, this creates a phenomenon called upward social comparison. Essentially, we’re more likely to compare ourselves to people we perceive as “better off” than us. Their lives look shinier, more successful, more fulfilled. And even if we know, logically, that social media is curated—that it’s not the whole picture—our emotional brain doesn’t always get the memo.
I remember a time not long ago when I fell into this trap myself. A colleague of mine was posting updates from a research trip overseas. Every day, there were photos of stunning landscapes, insightful cultural observations, and captions about the professional connections they were making. Meanwhile, I was at home grading papers and dealing with a broken dishwasher. I couldn’t help but think, “Why am I not doing something like that? Am I falling behind?”
This is what social media does so well. It creates a constant sense of comparison, a nagging worry that you’re not measuring up, and an underlying fear that if you don’t act now, you’ll never catch up. But here’s the kicker—what I wasn’t seeing in those posts was the stress of planning the trip, the missed flights, or the hours of work that went into making it all happen. I was comparing my behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.
Research backs this up. A study by Przybylski and colleagues in 2013 examined FOMO in the context of social media and found that the more people use these platforms, the more likely they are to experience FOMO. Social media creates a perfect storm by giving us constant updates, curated content, and the illusion that everyone else is living their best life 24/7.
But it’s not just social media. FOMO is woven into the fabric of our culture. Think about the way we market experiences—everything from concerts to vacations to limited-edition products comes with a sense of urgency. “Don’t miss out” is not just a phrase; it’s a strategy. Companies know how to tap into our psychological wiring to create demand, and FOMO is a powerful motivator.
There’s also the issue of instant gratification. Our brains are wired to seek immediate rewards, and in today’s world, we’re surrounded by opportunities to chase those little hits of dopamine. Social media notifications, one-click shopping, even streaming platforms that drop entire seasons at once—it all feeds into a cycle of wanting more and feeling like we’re missing something if we don’t engage right away.
And let’s not forget how FOMO affects us socially. It’s not just about missing out on things; it’s about feeling like you’re missing out on belonging. When you see a group of friends hanging out without you or a professional circle you’re not part of, it can sting. It taps into that deep human need for connection and status, and it can leave you questioning your place in the world.
So, let me ask you this: How often do you find yourself scrolling through your phone, not because you’re enjoying it, but because you’re afraid of what you might miss if you don’t? And how does that make you feel?
In the next part of the episode, we’ll explore the emotional toll of FOMO—how it impacts our mental health and the stories we tell ourselves. But for now, let’s pause and consider: Is FOMO controlling how you spend your time and energy? And if so, is it serving you—or draining you?
Part 3: The Emotional Toll of FOMO
Now that we’ve explored where FOMO comes from and how it’s been amplified in the digital age, let’s talk about its emotional toll—the way it can chip away at our well-being if we’re not careful.
FOMO isn’t just a fleeting feeling. It’s not just that little pang you get when you see someone’s vacation pictures or hear about an event you weren’t invited to. For many of us, especially in a world so saturated with social media, FOMO can become a constant companion, lurking in the background of our daily lives. And over time, it starts to erode our mental health in some subtle but powerful ways.
First, let’s talk about anxiety. FOMO often feeds into a heightened sense of anxiety—an unease that we’re missing out on something important, or that our life somehow doesn’t measure up to those around us. This isn’t just an occasional nervous thought; it’s a persistent worry that we’re not living life to its fullest, that we’re stuck while everyone else is moving forward.
This kind of anxiety can be paralyzing. If you constantly feel like you’re falling behind or missing opportunities, it can become harder to enjoy the present moment. Your mind is too busy racing, thinking about what’s next, what you should be doing, or where you should be, rather than appreciating what you have right now. It creates a constant tension between the here-and-now and some idealized future or alternative reality.
And here’s the thing about anxiety—it’s often fueled by unrealistic expectations. We start to believe that if we could just get to the next big event or milestone, everything will fall into place. This mindset ties into the cognitive distortion known as “catastrophizing.” It’s when we exaggerate the significance of what we’re missing and convince ourselves that our lives will be permanently worse because of it. We think, “If I don’t go to this party, I’m never going to make friends.” Or, “If I don’t get this promotion, my career is over.”
But as we all know, those feelings of inadequacy don’t just stay in our minds. Over time, they seep into our self-esteem. FOMO can erode our confidence, making us feel like we’re just not good enough or that we’re constantly falling short of others’ expectations. And if we’re always comparing ourselves to others, we lose sight of our unique journey, our own achievements, and the value we bring to the world.
I’ll share a quick story from my own experience. There was a time when I was so wrapped up in the idea of what everyone else was doing—whether it was a colleague’s promotion or a friend’s perfect vacation—that I started to feel like I wasn’t accomplishing enough. I began to doubt my own progress, even though I had plenty to be proud of. This is how FOMO can distort our perception of reality. We forget that other people’s successes don’t diminish our own—they simply represent different paths, different experiences.
But the emotional toll of FOMO isn’t limited to anxiety and self-doubt. It can also lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. Think about it: when you’re constantly worried about what others are doing without you, it creates a disconnect between you and the present moment, between you and the people around you. You might find yourself distancing from real, meaningful connections because you’re too focused on what you’re not a part of. This is where FOMO intersects with social isolation—it’s not just about missing events, but about missing out on the deep sense of connection that we’re all yearning for.
And if that weren’t enough, let’s talk about how FOMO impacts our mental well-being in the long run. Research has shown that chronic feelings of exclusion—whether real or perceived—can lead to higher levels of stress, depression, and even feelings of helplessness. This emotional weight can make it harder to enjoy the things we have, to feel content in the life we’ve built, and to find true fulfillment in our own experiences.
So, let’s pause here for a moment and reflect: When was the last time FOMO caused you to feel anxious, inadequate, or even lonely? How did those emotions affect your thoughts, your relationships, or your sense of self-worth?
If you’re nodding along or feeling that familiar weight, know that you’re not alone—and it doesn’t have to stay this way. In the next part of this episode, we’ll explore some practical tools to help you break free from the grip of FOMO, to reframe those feelings, and to start living more intentionally. But for now, take a deep breath and recognize that FOMO doesn’t define who you are. It’s just a feeling—a feeling that we can work with, learn from, and ultimately transform.
Let’s keep going.
Part 4: Overcoming FOMO and Reclaiming Joy
Alright, now that we’ve unpacked the emotional toll of FOMO, let’s turn our attention to how we can overcome it. The good news is that, just as FOMO is learned and shaped by our experiences, it can also be unlearned and reshaped. So, if you’ve been feeling like FOMO has too much of a hold on you, there are ways to regain control, refocus your energy, and start living a more intentional and joyful life.
The first step in overcoming FOMO is recognizing when it’s happening. This might sound simple, but awareness is key. When you feel that familiar pang—the anxiety of missing out, the urge to check social media, or the desire to be somewhere else—take a step back. Acknowledge that what you’re feeling is a natural part of the human experience, but that it doesn’t have to drive your actions or emotions.
One powerful tool for dealing with FOMO is mindfulness. I know, I know—it sounds a bit cliché, but bear with me. Mindfulness is the practice of bringing your full attention to the present moment, without judgment. When FOMO strikes, it’s easy to get caught up in thoughts about what you don’t have or what you’re missing. Mindfulness can help you pause, breathe, and bring your focus back to what you do have right now. It’s about finding contentment in the moment, rather than constantly chasing after something “better.”
I’ve used mindfulness myself to manage my own FOMO. I remember once, I was scrolling through social media and saw a group of colleagues at a conference I wasn’t able to attend. I immediately started feeling anxious and left out. But instead of spiraling, I decided to put the phone down, close my eyes, and take a few deep breaths. I focused on the feeling of the chair beneath me, the sound of the wind outside, and the simple act of breathing. In that moment, I grounded myself, reminded myself of my own worth, and let go of the comparison. It wasn’t easy, but it was effective. The more I practiced this, the easier it became to shift my focus away from what I was missing and back to what was right in front of me.
Another helpful strategy is cognitive reframing. FOMO often comes from a place of scarcity—this idea that there’s only so much joy, success, or opportunity to go around. We start to think, “If I miss this event, I’ll never get another chance. If I don’t do this thing now, I’ll fall behind.” Reframing helps us flip that narrative and see abundance instead of scarcity. Instead of focusing on what you’re missing, focus on what you’re gaining by choosing to stay present. If you miss one opportunity, another will come. And in the meantime, the life you’re living right now has its own rewards.
Let’s take a moment to reflect on this together. Think about a time when you had to make a choice—maybe to skip an event, or to prioritize your own needs over something else. How did you feel afterward? Did you feel regret, or did you feel a sense of relief and empowerment, knowing that you made a choice that was right for you?
This brings us to the concept of JOMO—the joy of missing out. JOMO is a concept that’s been gaining popularity lately, and for good reason. It’s the opposite of FOMO. Instead of feeling left out, JOMO invites us to embrace the freedom that comes with saying no to things that don’t align with our true needs or desires. It’s about giving ourselves permission to step away from the hustle and bustle of trying to keep up with everyone else and just enjoy our own company, our own lives, and our own choices.
There’s a power in setting boundaries. We live in a world that constantly demands more from us—more time, more attention, more energy. And FOMO often leads us to say yes to things out of fear of missing out or disappointing others. But in reality, the most meaningful experiences in our lives often come when we set healthy boundaries, say no to the distractions, and focus on what truly matters.
Let me share a quick story. A few months ago, I decided to take a break from social media for a week. It wasn’t about quitting or avoiding the world—it was about reclaiming my time and my peace. During that week, I spent more time reading, engaging with my family, and reflecting on my own work. What I found was that without the constant pull of notifications and comparisons, I was able to enjoy a deeper sense of joy and presence. That week wasn’t about missing out—it was about embracing a life that felt more authentic and in tune with my values. It was a refreshing reminder that sometimes, less is more.
Finally, let’s talk about real connections. FOMO often makes us feel like we need to be everywhere, doing everything, and knowing everyone. But real joy comes not from a wide network of acquaintances, but from deep, meaningful connections. Focus on building relationships that nourish your soul—whether that’s with family, close friends, or a community that shares your values. The more we invest in these real, authentic connections, the less FOMO will affect us. We’ll find contentment not in what we’re missing, but in what we have in front of us.
So, here’s what I want you to take away from this part of the episode: FOMO doesn’t need to control you. By practicing mindfulness, reframing your thoughts, embracing JOMO, setting boundaries, and nurturing meaningful relationships, you can reclaim your joy. FOMO might be a part of modern life, but it doesn’t have to define it.
Now, I want to leave you with one final thought. Take a moment today to reflect on what you really want, not what everyone else is doing or what social media is telling you to want. What’s important to you? What makes you feel connected to yourself and to others? And how can you cultivate more of that in your daily life?
Closing Remarks
As we wrap up today’s episode, let’s quickly recap what we’ve learned. FOMO, or the fear of missing out, is a very natural part of being human. It’s a reflection of our innate need for connection and belonging. But while it’s a common experience, it doesn’t have to control us. By understanding its roots and recognizing its impact, we can use tools like mindfulness and gratitude to transform FOMO into a catalyst for living more intentionally. Instead of letting it pull us away from the present, we can embrace it as a reminder to focus on what truly matters to us.
I hope our exploration of FOMO has helped you understand this all-too-common feeling a little better, and perhaps, given you some tools to navigate it with more ease and intention. Remember, the fear of missing out is something we all experience, but it doesn’t have to control our lives. With mindfulness, reframing, and a focus on what truly matters to us, we can shift the narrative and start living in a way that feels more authentic and fulfilling.
If you found today’s episode helpful, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to reach out to me at ProfRJStarr@outlook.com with any questions, thoughts, or topic suggestions for future episodes. Your feedback is always appreciated, and I’m here to continue the conversation with you.
And, of course, don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss our next episode. We’ve got plenty of exciting topics coming up, and I can’t wait to dive into them with you.
Thank you again for joining me on The Psychology of Us. Until next time, take care of yourself, stay present, and, most importantly, keep exploring the fascinating world of human behavior.
Be well, and see you soon.