Essays

Essays on psychological clarity, emotional regulation, identity, and the conditions that allow people to think, relate, and live with coherence.

Some truths can’t be compressed; they need space to become clear.

These essays are not reactions or hot takes. They examine the psychological structures beneath everyday experience — how attention, emotion, identity, and meaning actually function under modern conditions. Drawing from psychology, lived experience, and cultural analysis, each piece is written to clarify what’s happening beneath the surface, not to entertain, provoke, or reassure.

RJ Starr 11/9/25 RJ Starr 11/9/25

Marked: The Psychology of Body Modification and the Search for Inner Ownership

A psychological exploration of why people alter their bodies through tattoos, piercings, and ritualized pain. Marked: The Psychology of Body Modification and the Search for Inner Ownership examines the human drive to turn pain into authorship, impermanence into meaning, and the body into a living archive of identity, control, and self-expression.

RJ Starr 9/28/25 RJ Starr 9/28/25

The Pressure to Be Real: Individuation in a Culture of Imitation

Dolly Parton once observed that it is hard to be a diamond in a world full of rhinestones, and her words capture a timeless psychological struggle. To find out who you are and do it on purpose means resisting the pull of conformity and choosing authorship over accident. From Jung’s theory of individuation to the pressures of social media imitation, authenticity carries both cost and reward. It is the diamond’s task: to endure the pressure of standing apart while holding its shape with clarity and permanence.

RJ Starr 8/4/25 RJ Starr 8/4/25

Living Through Roles: A Framework for Understanding Identity Orientation

We all live through roles—some conscious, most not. This essay explores twelve identity orientations as emotional strategies we adopt to navigate meaning, belonging, and selfhood. Not pathologies, not personalities, but lived structures of protection and coherence. The task is not to discard them, but to grow beyond them.

RJ Starr 7/14/25 RJ Starr 7/14/25

The Charisma Paradox: Why Likable People Often Feel Like Impostors

That colleague who lights up the room? They might be faking it harder than you. This essay explores why socially fluent, likable people often feel like impostors—caught between charm and self-doubt. When charisma becomes performance, confidence erodes. Here's what we don’t see behind the smile—and why it matters.

RJ Starr 6/5/25 RJ Starr 6/5/25

Still Wanting More: On Aging, Place, and Visibility

Even when life appears full, there can be a quiet ache—a longing to feel visible, vital, and connected. This essay explores the emotional dissonance of midlife: the beauty you’ve built, the distance you feel, and the dignity of still wanting more. It’s not regret. It’s the quiet pulse of being fully alive.

RJ Starr 12/17/24 RJ Starr 12/17/24

Choosing Who We Become

Personal growth is not about finding a fixed self but actively shaping identity through deliberate action. This article explores how consistent choices, reflection, and behavioral commitments drive transformation, showing that true change emerges from reshaping habits and self-narratives over time.

RJ Starr 11/24/24 RJ Starr 11/24/24

Anchored in the Past

Cognitive anchoring and stability bias cause us to judge others based on first impressions, even when new evidence emerges. This article explores how outdated perceptions persist and how recognizing these mental shortcuts can help us make fairer, more accurate assessments.

Emotional intelligence isn’t just a workplace skill or buzzword. It's the foundation of how we stay human in an overstimulated world. It’s how we create safety, connection, and clarity in the relationships that matter most.
Overthinking is rarely about insight. It’s about emotional avoidance disguised as analysis. True understanding begins not in your thoughts, but in your willingness to stay with what’s uncomfortable without trying to fix or escape it immediately.
Self-awareness is not a luxury or a personality trait, it’s a psychological infrastructure. Without it, we repeat patterns, misread situations, and lose the ability to act with intention instead of reaction.
Boundaries are not about pushing people away. They’re how we take emotional responsibility for what we can handle, what we value, and how we want to be treated in relationships that actually matter to us.
Emotional maturity isn’t measured by how little we feel. It’s shown in how we carry big emotions without letting them hijack our behavior. It’s the quiet strength of presence, not performance.
You don’t have to erase your past to heal, you just have to stop letting it silently write the present. Healing is a return to authorship over your life, not a denial of what shaped you.
Clarity often feels like calm. Not because everything is perfect, but because you’re no longer performing, pretending, or explaining yourself to people who never learned how to listen with care.
Self-trust is not about always knowing the answer. It’s about knowing you can stay present, even when you don’t. It’s a psychological anchor in a world that rewards dissociation and speed.
When we can name what we’re feeling without shame, we begin to reclaim agency over our inner life. Language is a psychological bridge between experience and understanding; it lets us carry what we used to avoid.
You are not “too much.” You are simply carrying the emotional weight of people who never learned to sit with discomfort, so they handed it to you instead.

Essays

Essays on psychological clarity, emotional regulation, identity, and the conditions that allow people to think, relate, and live with coherence.

Some truths can’t be compressed; they need space to become clear.

Marked: The Psychology of Body Modification and the Search for Inner Ownership

The Pressure to Be Real: Individuation in a Culture of Imitation

Living Through Roles: A Framework for Understanding Identity Orientation

The Charisma Paradox: Why Likable People Often Feel Like Impostors

Still Wanting More: On Aging, Place, and Visibility

Choosing Who We Become

Anchored in the Past

Emotional intelligence isn’t just a workplace skill or buzzword. It's the foundation of how we stay human in an overstimulated world. It’s how we create safety, connection, and clarity in the relationships that matter most.

Overthinking is rarely about insight. It’s about emotional avoidance disguised as analysis. True understanding begins not in your thoughts, but in your willingness to stay with what’s uncomfortable without trying to fix or escape it immediately.

Self-awareness is not a luxury or a personality trait, it’s a psychological infrastructure. Without it, we repeat patterns, misread situations, and lose the ability to act with intention instead of reaction.

Boundaries are not about pushing people away. They’re how we take emotional responsibility for what we can handle, what we value, and how we want to be treated in relationships that actually matter to us.

Emotional maturity isn’t measured by how little we feel. It’s shown in how we carry big emotions without letting them hijack our behavior. It’s the quiet strength of presence, not performance.

You don’t have to erase your past to heal, you just have to stop letting it silently write the present. Healing is a return to authorship over your life, not a denial of what shaped you.

Clarity often feels like calm. Not because everything is perfect, but because you’re no longer performing, pretending, or explaining yourself to people who never learned how to listen with care.

Self-trust is not about always knowing the answer. It’s about knowing you can stay present, even when you don’t. It’s a psychological anchor in a world that rewards dissociation and speed.

When we can name what we’re feeling without shame, we begin to reclaim agency over our inner life. Language is a psychological bridge between experience and understanding; it lets us carry what we used to avoid.

You are not “too much.” You are simply carrying the emotional weight of people who never learned to sit with discomfort, so they handed it to you instead.

Professor RJ Starr

Integrating psychology, culture, and meaning to understand the forces shaping modern life.

Join the Community

Receive new essays, psychological reflections, and podcast updates directly in your inbox — plus a complimentary digital copy of How to Stop Overthinking Everything.