The Impact of Social Media on Self-Esteem and Identity
“This episode isn’t about shaming social media—it’s about helping you use it without losing yourself in it. If you’ve ever felt the sting of a low-like post or the pressure to be someone online that you’re not in real life, this conversation is for you.”
Transcript
Have you ever posted a picture online, only to find yourself checking for likes, over and over, hoping for validation? Or maybe you’ve scrolled through someone else’s profile and thought, ‘Why isn’t my life that perfect?’ Social media is everywhere, shaping how we see ourselves and others. But how m uch of it is actually healthy?
In today’s episode, we’re uncovering the psychology behind social media—why it makes you feel the way it does, how it impacts your self-esteem and identity, and, most importantly, how you can take back control. If you’ve ever wondered why you’re drawn to the screen, or how to make it work for you instead of against you, this is the conversation you’ve been waiting for.
Let’s explore this together—right after this.
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Welcome back to the “Psychology of Us;” I’m Professor RJ Starr, and I want to start by apologizing if I sound a bit froggy. I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather and I’m in the last days of a cold. I have some tea here with ginger, turmeric, honey and lemon, so let’s see if I can get through this! I’ll also tell you that it’s a stormy day today, and my parrot is a bit freaked out with the thunder, so he’s sitting on my shoulder. You may hear some parrot chirps or squawks but I’ll do my best to filter them out.
So, While I wrote this episode with preteens, teens and young adults in mind, especially those between the ages of 12 and 35, the truth is, this conversation applies to everyone. No matter your age, if you’ve ever felt the highs and lows of scrolling or posting, this episode is for you.
Stick around—there’s a lot to unpack. Let’s get started
Imagine this: you’ve just posted a photo online. Maybe it’s from a weekend with friends, a sunset you captured, or something you’re proud of. Within minutes, the notifications start rolling in. Likes, comments, shares—it’s a dopamine rush. You tell yourself it doesn’t matter, but deep down, every reaction feels like a validation or, sometimes, a rejection. Sound familiar?
If it does, you’re not alone. Social media has woven itself into the fabric of daily life, especially for your generation. It’s how you connect, share, learn, and even build your identity. But what happens when the connections you seek or the image you project online starts to impact how you feel about yourself? Why does one bad photo or a lack of engagement on a post sometimes feel like a personal failure? Why does scrolling through someone else’s "perfect" life make your own seem smaller?
In this episode, we’re going to dive into the psychology of social media—why it affects you the way it does and what you can do about it. I’ll share stories of people like you, break down some fascinating psychological theories, and, most importantly, help you understand how to use social media in a way that strengthens, rather than diminishes, your self-esteem and sense of identity.
This isn’t about villainizing social media—it’s an incredible tool when used wisely. But like any tool, it has its risks, especially if we’re not aware of how it shapes us. My goal today is to give you that awareness and empower you to make choices that align with who you are, not just how you want to be seen. Because who you are is worth so much more than likes or followers. Let’s explore this together.
Part 1: The Double-Edged Sword of Social Media
Social media is an incredible invention. It has connected us in ways that were unimaginable just a few decades ago. With a simple post, you can share your art, your achievements, or even your struggles with friends, family, and strangers across the globe. It’s a platform for creativity, self-expression, and connection. But, as with most things in life, it’s a double-edged sword. The very tool that can bring joy and connection can also become a source of comparison, insecurity, and stress.
Take the story of Maya, a college student who uses Instagram to share her photography. At first, she posted for fun, enjoying the process of capturing moments and seeing her skills improve. Her followers grew, and with each new comment praising her work, she felt a sense of pride and validation. But over time, Maya found herself obsessing over the numbers—how many likes, how many new followers, how her posts compared to those of other photographers. When one of her posts didn’t perform as well as she expected, she felt crushed. Was her work not good enough? Did people not care anymore? What started as a creative outlet turned into a source of self-doubt.
Maya’s experience is not unique. Social media amplifies what psychologists call social comparison, a concept rooted in Social Comparison Theory, developed by Leon Festinger in the 1950s. This theory explains how we evaluate ourselves based on comparisons with others. There are two main types of comparisons: upward and downward.
Upward comparisons happen when we compare ourselves to people we perceive as "better" in some way—more attractive, more successful, more popular. These comparisons often leave us feeling inadequate, as if we’ll never measure up. On social media, where people present the highlight reels of their lives, upward comparisons are almost unavoidable. Every glamorous vacation photo or perfectly curated lifestyle post can make you question your own life, even though you know, deep down, that what you’re seeing is not the full picture.
Downward comparisons, on the other hand, happen when we compare ourselves to those we perceive as "worse off." These can boost our self-esteem temporarily, but they often come at the expense of empathy or connection. They can also create a cycle of needing to feel "better than" to maintain a fragile sense of self-worth.
The thing about social media is that it’s designed to keep you comparing. The algorithms push content that engages you emotionally, whether that’s awe, envy, or even frustration. The more you compare, the more you scroll, and the cycle continues.
But it’s not all bad. Let’s not forget the positive side of social media—the moments when it fosters genuine connection and joy. Like Sam, a young artist who started posting their illustrations on TikTok. Sam’s work resonated with others, and they found a supportive community that encouraged their creativity. For Sam, social media became a source of inspiration and belonging.
The key difference between Maya and Sam’s experiences lies in how they engage with social media. Maya got caught in the comparison trap, while Sam focused on connection and growth. Social media itself wasn’t inherently good or bad—it was about how they used it and what they allowed it to mean in their lives.
As we move forward, I want you to think about how social media makes you feel. When you scroll through your feed, are you inspired, connected, and uplifted? Or do you find yourself comparing, doubting, and questioning your worth? Awareness is the first step toward reclaiming your relationship with social media, so let’s keep digging deeper.
Part 2: Social Media and Self-Esteem
Let’s talk about what happens to your self-esteem when you engage with social media. Whether it’s scrolling, posting, or waiting for that little dopamine hit from a notification, social media can have a profound impact on how you feel about yourself. Sometimes it lifts you up; other times, it leaves you questioning your worth. Why does this happen? To understand, we need to dig into the psychology behind it.
Imagine this scenario: Jake is a freshman in college. He posts a picture from a campus event, something he’s excited to share. As the hours pass, the likes trickle in, but not as many as he hoped. Meanwhile, his roommate posts a similar photo and racks up double the engagement. Jake can’t help but feel like there’s something wrong with him—his post wasn’t "good enough." This single moment might seem trivial, but over time, experiences like these can chip away at a person’s self-esteem.
To understand this, let’s turn to Self-Discrepancy Theory, a concept developed by psychologist Edward Higgins. The theory suggests that our self-esteem is influenced by the gap between three versions of ourselves:
The actual self: Who we believe we are.
The ideal self: Who we want to be, based on our aspirations.
The ought self: Who we think we should be, based on societal or external expectations.
On social media, the "ideal self" often takes center stage. The pictures we post, the captions we write, and the way we curate our profiles are carefully crafted to showcase the best version of ourselves—or at least the version we want others to see. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to present ourselves in a positive light, this process can create a disconnect between the actual self and the ideal self.
When Jake posted his photo, his actual self was on display, but the engagement—or lack thereof—made him feel like his actual self wasn’t good enough to meet the expectations of his ideal self. The gap between these selves is what triggered his feelings of inadequacy. Social media amplifies this dynamic because it allows us to compare not just our real lives but our curated, ideal selves to the curated selves of others.
There’s also a chemical component to this. Every time you get a like, comment, or share, your brain releases dopamine—a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. This creates a positive feedback loop: you post, you get likes, you feel good, so you post again. The problem is that this can lead to a dependence on external validation. Instead of feeling good about yourself because of your own accomplishments or qualities, your self-esteem becomes tied to how others react to your online persona.
Consider Alyssa, a high school senior. She spends hours perfecting her selfies, editing them to look flawless. When she posts, she gets hundreds of likes and comments, which temporarily boosts her confidence. But when she looks in the mirror, she doesn’t see the edited version of herself, and it leaves her feeling insecure. Over time, she begins to associate her worth with her ability to present a version of herself that isn’t entirely real.
This brings us to a critical question: how much of your self-worth is tied to your online presence? When we rely too heavily on social media for validation, we risk losing sight of the intrinsic value we hold simply for being who we are.
The good news is that this cycle can be broken. One powerful way to start is by challenging the narratives you tell yourself about what social media engagement means. Does a post with fewer likes mean you’re less interesting, less attractive, or less worthy? Or does it simply mean that the algorithm didn’t favor you that day, or that people were busy and didn’t see your post? Reframing your perspective can help you detach your self-esteem from metrics that, in reality, have little to do with your true value.
As we continue, we’ll explore how social media shapes not just your self-esteem but also your identity—who you believe yourself to be, both online and offline. The more you understand these dynamics, the more power you have to make choices that align with your authentic self. Let’s dive into that next.
Part 3: Identity Formation in the Digital Age
Let’s shift our focus to identity—who you are, or maybe more importantly, who you think you are. In your late teens and early twenties, identity formation is a central part of life. You’re figuring out your values, your passions, and how you fit into the world. Social media plays a massive role in this process today, both helping and complicating the journey.
Erik Erikson, a renowned developmental psychologist, described identity formation as a key challenge during what he called the stage of identity vs. role confusion. During this period, young adults grapple with questions like, “Who am I?” and “Who do I want to be?” Social media offers a unique platform for exploring these questions. It allows you to experiment with how you present yourself, connect with like-minded people, and discover new ideas. But it can also lead to confusion and even identity crises when the lines between your online persona and your true self become blurred.
Take Emma, for example. She’s a college sophomore who’s deeply passionate about environmental activism. She starts a TikTok account to share educational content about sustainability and quickly gains a following. On one hand, this aligns perfectly with her values and gives her a sense of purpose. On the other hand, as her account grows, she feels pressure to produce content constantly, even when she’s exhausted or unsure about what to post. Over time, she starts to feel like her identity as “the sustainability girl” is taking over other parts of her personality. She wonders if people would still like her if she stopped posting or shared something different.
This struggle reflects a key risk of identity formation in the digital age: tying your sense of self to your online persona. Social media often encourages you to reduce yourself to a "brand" or a specific niche. While this can be empowering in some ways, it can also feel limiting. The more you invest in a curated online identity, the harder it can be to separate who you truly are from who you appear to be online.
Another challenge comes from the sheer volume of information and opinions you’re exposed to on social media. You’re constantly bombarded with ideas about who you should be—whether it’s the fitness influencer encouraging you to work out at 5 a.m. or the entrepreneur pushing the hustle culture mentality. With so many voices competing for your attention, it can be hard to hear your own.
This brings us back to Erikson’s theory. The "role confusion" he described often happens when external influences overshadow internal exploration. If your sense of self is constantly shaped by trends, likes, and followers, you risk losing touch with what truly matters to you.
But social media doesn’t have to be a trap. It can also be a powerful tool for self-discovery. Consider Jordan, a young adult who uses Instagram to document their journey of learning guitar. They connect with a supportive community of fellow musicians, find inspiration in others’ progress, and use the platform as a way to hold themselves accountable. For Jordan, social media becomes a space for growth and self-expression, rather than a source of pressure.
The difference between Emma’s and Jordan’s experiences lies in their relationship with their online identities. Emma’s persona began to overshadow her real self, while Jordan used social media as a tool to explore and express their true interests. The key takeaway here is that your online identity should reflect your authentic self, not define it.
So how can you strike this balance? Start by asking yourself some reflective questions:
Are you using social media to express who you truly are, or to meet others’ expectations?
Do your online interactions make you feel more connected to yourself, or more disconnected?
If you took a break from social media, would you feel lost, or would you feel relieved?
As you think about these questions, remember that identity is fluid. Who you are today may not be who you are tomorrow, and that’s okay. Social media is just one piece of the puzzle—a tool that can either help you build a stronger sense of self or pull you further away from it. The choice is in how you engage with it. Let’s explore some practical strategies for navigating this digital landscape in the next part.
Part 4: Strategies for Healthy Social Media Use
Now that we’ve explored how social media impacts your self-esteem and identity, let’s talk about how you can take back control. Social media doesn’t have to define you, and it doesn’t have to harm your mental health. With a few intentional strategies, you can make it work for you, rather than against you.
Curate Your Feed
Start by taking an honest look at your social media feed. Ask yourself: does this content inspire me, educate me, or make me feel good about myself? If not, it might be time for a cleanse. Unfollow accounts that make you feel inadequate or stressed. It’s not personal—it’s about creating a healthier digital environment for yourself.
Take Alyssa, for instance. She used to follow dozens of influencers who posted perfect vacation photos and extravagant lifestyles. Every time she scrolled, she felt like her own life didn’t measure up. One day, she decided to unfollow those accounts and replace them with ones that showcased more authentic, relatable content. The difference was immediate. Her feed became a place of encouragement, not comparison.
Set Boundaries
Social media is designed to keep you scrolling, but that doesn’t mean you have to let it. Set clear boundaries for your usage. This could mean:
Limiting your screen time to a specific number of minutes or hours per day.
Taking “social media-free” days to recharge and reconnect with the offline world.
Turning off notifications to reduce the constant pull to check your phone.
A helpful tip is to schedule social media breaks during your day. For example, use it as a reward after completing a study session or a workout, rather than mindlessly scrolling whenever you’re bored.
Focus on Connection Over Validation
One of the biggest traps of social media is seeking validation through likes, comments, and shares. Instead, shift your focus to building genuine connections. Engage with people who share your interests, start meaningful conversations, and use the platform to deepen relationships rather than chasing approval.
Consider Jordan, the aspiring guitarist we talked about earlier. By connecting with fellow musicians, they found a supportive community that helped them grow and feel seen—not because of their follower count, but because of shared passion and encouragement. Remember, real connections matter more than virtual applause.
Be Mindful of What You Post
Ask yourself why you’re posting something before you hit "share." Is it because you’re excited to share a moment or idea? Or is it because you’re hoping for validation? If it’s the latter, take a step back. Try journaling about your feelings or talking to a friend instead. Posting should feel empowering, not stressful.
Practice Digital Detoxes
Every once in a while, give yourself permission to step away from social media entirely. Use this time to focus on offline activities that bring you joy—reading, spending time with loved ones, exploring nature, or pursuing a hobby. You’ll be surprised how refreshing it feels to disconnect.
A case study from a recent experiment highlights this point. College students who took a week-long break from social media reported improved mood, better focus, and a greater sense of self. The time away gave them a chance to reflect on what truly mattered and break the cycle of constant comparison.
Remember Your "Why"
Social media is a tool, not a measure of your worth. Always come back to your “why.” Why are you using these platforms? What do you hope to gain from them? Keeping your intentions in mind can help you use social media in a way that aligns with your values and supports your goals.
A Final Thought
Think of social media as a mirror. It reflects what you choose to focus on. When you fill it with positivity, authenticity, and meaningful connections, it can be a powerful ally in your journey of self-discovery. But when it becomes a source of stress or comparison, it’s okay to step back and reassess.
You’re the one holding the mirror. You get to decide what it reflects. With a little mindfulness and intention, you can make social media a place where your self-esteem and identity thrive—not just survive. So go ahead, take that first step toward reclaiming your digital space. It’s your feed, your rules, and, most importantly, your life.
As we wrap up, let’s take a moment to reflect on everything we’ve explored today. Social media is an extraordinary tool—one that has reshaped how we connect, share, and even see ourselves. But as with any tool, its impact depends on how you use it. It can uplift you, inspire you, and help you express your authentic self, or it can leave you feeling trapped in cycles of comparison, self-doubt, and pressure.
We’ve discussed how social media affects your self-esteem, from the dopamine-driven rush of likes to the challenges of self-discrepancy. We’ve looked at how it shapes your identity, sometimes helping you grow but other times limiting you to a curated persona. And most importantly, we’ve talked about strategies to take control—curating your feed, setting boundaries, focusing on connection over validation, and remembering your "why."
Here’s the most important takeaway: you are not defined by your follower count, your likes, or your carefully crafted posts. You are a complex, multi-dimensional person, and no digital profile could ever capture the full beauty of who you are. Social media can be a part of your life, but it doesn’t have to control it. The real you is far too valuable for that.
So as you log off today, ask yourself: how does social media fit into the bigger picture of who I want to be? What role do I want it to play in my journey? And how can I use it in a way that supports my growth, rather than detracting from it?
Thank you for joining me in this conversation. Next time, we’ll be exploring the art of building resilience—how to bounce back from life’s challenges and grow stronger in the process. Until then, take care of your digital space, your mind, and, most importantly, yourself. You’re worth it.