Essays

Essays on psychological clarity, emotional regulation, identity, and the conditions that allow people to think, relate, and live with coherence.

Some truths can’t be compressed; they need space to become clear.

These essays are not reactions or hot takes. They examine the psychological structures beneath everyday experience — how attention, emotion, identity, and meaning actually function under modern conditions. Drawing from psychology, lived experience, and cultural analysis, each piece is written to clarify what’s happening beneath the surface, not to entertain, provoke, or reassure.

RJ Starr RJ Starr

How Your Childhood ‘Love Language’ Warps Your Adult Relationships

What if your love language isn’t a preference—but a survival strategy you learned as a child? This essay peels back the glossy surface of the “Five Love Languages” and reveals the attachment wounds beneath them. Before you ask someone to speak your language, ask who taught you what love had to cost.

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  • Emotional intelligence isn’t just a workplace skill or buzzword. It's the foundation of how we stay human in an overstimulated world. It’s how we create safety, connection, and clarity in the relationships that matter most.

  • Overthinking is rarely about insight. It’s about emotional avoidance disguised as analysis. True understanding begins not in your thoughts, but in your willingness to stay with what’s uncomfortable without trying to fix or escape it immediately.

  • Self-awareness is not a luxury or a personality trait, it’s a psychological infrastructure. Without it, we repeat patterns, misread situations, and lose the ability to act with intention instead of reaction.

  • Boundaries are not about pushing people away. They’re how we take emotional responsibility for what we can handle, what we value, and how we want to be treated in relationships that actually matter to us.

  • Emotional maturity isn’t measured by how little we feel. It’s shown in how we carry big emotions without letting them hijack our behavior. It’s the quiet strength of presence, not performance.

  • You don’t have to erase your past to heal, you just have to stop letting it silently write the present. Healing is a return to authorship over your life, not a denial of what shaped you.

  • Clarity often feels like calm. Not because everything is perfect, but because you’re no longer performing, pretending, or explaining yourself to people who never learned how to listen with care.

  • Self-trust is not about always knowing the answer. It’s about knowing you can stay present, even when you don’t. It’s a psychological anchor in a world that rewards dissociation and speed.

  • When we can name what we’re feeling without shame, we begin to reclaim agency over our inner life. Language is a psychological bridge between experience and understanding; it lets us carry what we used to avoid.

  • You are not “too much.” You are simply carrying the emotional weight of people who never learned to sit with discomfort, so they handed it to you instead.