The Rise of Hostile Elders
Understanding the Cultural and Psychological Shift in Aging
One of my third-year social psychology students, a father of two in his mid-thirties, brought up an insightful question during class the other day while we were discussing geropsychology (the psychology of aging):
“When I was a little boy, I admired my grandfather and his friends. They were dignified and elegant, always dressed in suits, always saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ Even when I knew they didn’t have much money, they still tipped generously. They carried themselves with grace, and I wanted to grow up to be like them. Public figures back then seemed that way too. But when I look at public figures and many grandparents today, I don’t feel that same admiration. They’re often sloppy, angry, rude, and aggressive. Sometimes, I don’t even want my kids to be around them. What changed? Why does it feel like dignity, manners, and kindness have eroded over time, especially among older generations? And when the Boomers are gone, what will happen to dignity then? Will we see a return to grace, or is this decline in manners and social respect a permanent shift?”
It was a well-thought-out, deeply reflective question — one that touches on multiple levels of psychosocioanthropological thinking. As soon as he asked it, I could see the reaction in the room; the question resonated with everyone. What started as a single inquiry quickly turned into a passionate discussion, one that carried us through the remainder of the class period.
At one point, another student turned to me and said, “Professor, you should write about this. This is a conversation more people need to have.” I thought that was an excellent suggestion, and so this article is the result of that request.
This is a question that demands exploration, not just because it speaks to generational differences but because it touches on something deeper — the shifting values of our society, the psychology of aging, and the way cultural forces shape human behavior. In this article, I will attempt to unpack this phenomenon, looking at it through the lens of psychology, history, and social change.
The Rise of Angry Elders: How Aging, Culture, and Psychology Created a Rude Generation
When we reflect on the way older generations once carried themselves compared to what we observe today, the contrast can be striking. Many of us grew up admiring our grandparents and their peers for their dignity, their polished manners, and the quiet strength they embodied. They dressed well, spoke with courtesy, and seemed to live by an unspoken code of respect, even in difficult times. Yet, when we look at many members of today’s older generations, especially some Baby Boomers now in their late 60s and beyond, we often see a very different picture: hostility, entitlement, and a disregard for social decorum.
This shift raises an important question, what happened? Why does it feel as though dignity, manners, and kindness have eroded over time, particularly among those who were raised with traditional etiquette? As a psychology professor, I want to explore this phenomenon not just through anecdotal observations but through the lens of psychological theory, cultural evolution, and sociological trends.
The Role of Cultural Shifts in Changing Social Behavior
One of the most significant factors in the erosion of social etiquette is the profound cultural shift that took place in the latter half of the 20th century. The men and women of the Greatest Generation (born approximately between 1901 and 1927) were shaped by the Great Depression and World War II. Their experiences reinforced values such as sacrifice, humility, and communal responsibility. They believed in upholding traditions, maintaining appearances, and contributing to the greater good.
In contrast, the Baby Boomer generation (born between 1946 and 1964) came of age in an era of rapid social change, civil rights movements, the Vietnam War, and the sexual revolution. Many of them actively rejected the formalities and rigid expectations of their parents, embracing a more relaxed and individualistic way of life. Over time, societal expectations regarding politeness, dress, and communication became more informal. What was once considered common courtesy, such as always addressing others with respect or dressing formally for public outings, gradually became optional.
Boomers were the first generation to grow up with mass consumer culture, and many of them were afforded luxuries and freedoms that their parents never had. This shift from a mindset of communal sacrifice to one of personal fulfillment changed how they approached social interactions. While previous generations valued humility, many Boomers have adopted the belief that their personal happiness and self-expression should come first. Over time, this emphasis on the individual over the collective contributed to a decline in the kind of social grace and restraint that characterized earlier generations.
The Psychological Effects of Aging on Behavior
As people age, their social behavior often changes, sometimes in ways that make them less agreeable or more confrontational. Research in gerontology and psychology suggests several reasons for this shift.
Cognitive Changes and Emotional Regulation
Beyond shifts in social norms and cultural attitudes, psychology offers a compelling explanation for why some older adults exhibit increased hostility or diminished social grace. Research in geropsychology highlights that as the prefrontal cortex declines with age, so does the ability to regulate emotions, adapt to new social dynamics, and exercise impulse control. This neurological shift can lead to increased rigidity in thinking, lower frustration tolerance, and a greater likelihood of expressing irritation outwardly. Additionally, some older adults may experience subtle cognitive decline that impairs social awareness, making them less sensitive to how their behavior is perceived by others. Combined with the sense of invisibility and irrelevance that often accompanies aging in modern society, these factors can create a cycle where frustration manifests as public hostility, further reinforcing generational tensions. Recognizing these psychological elements allows for a more nuanced understanding of why dignity and patience sometimes erode in later life, not solely due to choice or entitlement, but as a complex interplay of cognitive, emotional, and social factors.
Loss of Social Relevance
As society shifts its focus toward younger generations, many older adults experience a growing sense of invisibility and marginalization. No longer at the center of cultural, professional, or technological advancements, they may feel overlooked, dismissed, or disregarded. This perceived loss of relevance can foster deep-seated resentment, leading some to express their frustration through confrontational or demanding behavior. In public spaces, where small slights may feel like broader symbols of their declining social standing, this frustration can manifest as entitlement, impatience, or even hostility, not necessarily as a conscious choice, but as a reaction to feeling pushed to the periphery of a world that once revolved around them.
Loneliness and Isolation
Psychological research consistently highlights loneliness as a major driver of behavioral shifts in older adults. As we age, we experience the gradual loss of spouses, friends, and social circles, leaving us without the emotional anchors that once provided stability, purpose, and connection. In previous generations, elders were often embedded within multigenerational households or close-knit communities, offering them a sense of belonging and daily interaction. Today, however, many older adults live alone or engage in minimal social contact, leading to increased self-focus, impatience, and emotional volatility. Without consistent social reinforcement to temper their reactions, isolation can exacerbate frustration, shorten tempers, and contribute to a decline in overall well-being, shaping both their public demeanor and interpersonal interactions.
The ‘Screw It’ Mentality
For some older adults, aging brings with it a sense of exemption from social expectations, a mindset of “I’ve put in my time, so I no longer have to follow the rules.” This shift can lead to a diminished regard for etiquette, increased self-focus, and a waning tolerance for what they perceive as needless social formalities. Behaviors that might once have been considered impolite or abrasive are often reframed as honest, direct, or even justified expressions of frustration. In a world that feels increasingly unfamiliar and fast-moving, some may dismiss politeness as outdated or irrelevant, seeing little reason to conform to social graces when they no longer feel recognized or valued by the society around them.
The Influence of Media and Political Polarization
Another major factor in the shift toward incivility is the influence of media, particularly cable news and social media. Baby Boomers consume disproportionately more television news than any other generation, and much of this content is designed to provoke outrage. The rise of politically charged, sensationalist media has contributed to a culture of constant grievance.
Many older adults have become accustomed to a media environment that frames everything in terms of crisis and conflict. This has led to increased polarization, making people more prone to seeing the world as “us vs. them.” Whether it’s politics, social issues, or customer service complaints, some Boomers engage in public interactions with a sense of indignation and a demand for immediate gratification.
Additionally, social media has exacerbated this trend. While younger generations use online platforms to express themselves, many Boomers have adopted social media as a place to air grievances, often in ways that seem aggressive or combative. The anonymity and distance provided by digital communication have contributed to the erosion of basic social etiquette.
The Loss of a Shared Social Contract
At its core, dignity and manners are about maintaining a shared social contract, a mutual understanding that we treat others with respect, regardless of circumstance. In previous generations, there was an unspoken agreement that public decorum mattered. While not everyone adhered to these rules, there was at least a widespread expectation that people should behave with a certain level of dignity.
That expectation has eroded. The rise of hyper-individualism, the decline of community structures, and the shift away from traditional social norms have all contributed to a society where politeness is no longer seen as essential. For older individuals who grew up rejecting the formalities of their parents’ generation, there is little incentive to re-adopt them in their later years.
Instead of stepping into the role of wise elders, many Boomers seem to have aged into a position of frustration and complaint. Where previous generations aged with a sense of responsibility to guide and uplift younger people, today’s aging population often seems more interested in critiquing and condemning them.
What Happens When Boomers Are Gone? The Future of Dignity and Manners
The second part of the question is equally intriguing: when Boomers eventually pass on, leaving Generation X (born 1965–1980) as the new elder generation, what will happen to dignity and social grace? If dignity and manners are no longer reinforced as cultural values, then each generation that comes of age may simply continue the trend of increasing informality and disregard for social grace. With the decline of traditional institutions, such as extended families, religious communities, and formalized social clubs, there are fewer structures reinforcing respectful public behavior. If Gen X ages into a world that still prioritizes individualism over communal responsibility, they may fall into the same traps as some Boomers, becoming embittered rather than wise.
A Return to Dignity and Measured Behavior
However, there is reason to believe that Gen X may reintroduce a sense of dignity to aging. Unlike Boomers, Gen X has always been known for its skepticism, pragmatism, and self-sufficiency. They are the first generation to grow up with widespread divorce, economic uncertainty, and a mix of analog and digital worlds. This has made them more adaptable and less inclined toward the entitlement that some Boomers display.
Moreover, because they were sandwiched between two much louder generations (Boomers and Millennials), Gen X has had to navigate a world in which they were never the dominant cultural force. This has led many of them to embrace humility and self-reliance, two traits that could lead to a more dignified approach to aging.
If Gen X can step into the role of elders with a sense of quiet authority and wisdom, we may see a shift away from the hostility and entitlement that have defined many aging Boomers. Instead of demanding respect through aggression, Gen X elders may command respect through composure and example.
What Can Be Done?
If we want to restore dignity, manners, and kindness in our society, we need to reinforce the value of these behaviors across all generations. Older adults still have the power to lead by example. If Boomers want younger generations to respect them, they must embody the kind of dignity and grace that commands respect rather than demands it. Dignity is not an entitlement that comes with age; it is something that must be earned and continuously cultivated through composure, wisdom, and measured behavior.
Younger generations can encourage positive interactions by engaging older adults with patience and understanding. The decline in social etiquette isn’t just a problem among Boomers, it’s a societal issue. If we want to see a return to dignity, it must be a collective effort.
At the same time, younger generations must be encouraged to value respect and civility, rather than viewing them as outdated relics of a more formal past. There is an increasing tendency to dismiss traditional social graces as performative or unnecessary, but in reality, they serve as the foundation of human connection. Manners, kindness, and a sense of social responsibility are not just about politeness, they are about creating a world in which people feel seen, valued, and treated with decency. If younger generations hope for a more graceful and measured society, they too must engage with older adults with patience and understanding, rather than responding to hostility with more hostility.
As a society, we must create cultural spaces where dignity and grace are rewarded rather than mocked or dismissed. If we continue to celebrate outrage, incivility, and self-interest, we cannot be surprised when those behaviors become the norm. The challenge is not just to lament the loss of manners but to actively cultivate a culture that values them. Ultimately, the question is not just about why dignity has declined, but whether we are willing to reclaim it. Will older generations rise to the occasion and model the grace they once admired in their own parents? Will younger generations reject the creeping normalization of rudeness and build a more respectful world? The answer lies not in nostalgia, but in action. It is not just about what happens when Boomers fade away, it is about what comes next. Will Gen X lead with wisdom, or will they inherit the same cultural decay? The future of dignity, like so much else, will be shaped by the choices we make every single day.